She Was One In A Billion

How do you say goodbye to your sole mate, the worlds best mom, daughter, sister, and friend?  That is the question we were all forced to answer after Autumn was welcomed into the arms of our Lord on the morning of April 9th, 2024.  I laid in silence, holding her hand for a couple hours that morning, trying to warm them up as her circulation was poor.  I eventually got up and showered then got the kids up and going.  I checked on her a bit later, gave her a kiss, hug and told her I loved her.  I left the room for all of a minute, when I returned she was no longer breathing, she was gone.  Her body finally relaxed and at peace after over a year of fighting.  She had told a friend of ours a few weeks prior that she did not want to pass with a room full of people, just her and God; she got her wish.  It was not until a bit later that I saw Autumn was clutching her Miraculous Medal at the time of her death.  This medal was given to her by Mother Adela with the Servants of the Pierced Heart of Jesus and Mary on Ash Wednesday 2023, shortly after Autumn was diagnosed and she wore it throughout her battle.  I have to believe she was clutching it when she saw the welcoming face of God for the first time. While Autumn's death leaves a large hole in our hearts and home, I am overjoyed at the thought of her dancing in Heaven, free of pain and worry, and in the presence of our Lord.   Her last meal was Holy Communion on Feist of Divine Mercy Sunday, her last words were, "love you to" but only after jokingly (I hope) telling me she didn't like me very much for making her drink some more juice. Our last interaction was the evening before she passed and it is one I will never forget.  I was trying to flush her nephrostomy tubes and when I bent down, a little toot slipped out of me...Autumn opened her eyes wide, gave me a big smile, a little chuckle and then back to sleep she went...I had been caught.  We had not interacted in over 24 hours and I was sure we never would again, so you can imagine my joy and elation; I gave her a big kiss.  For a marriage that counted humor as one of its pillars, it was a fitting end.  

We have a neighbor who lost their 25-year old daughter to cancer shortly after we moved in, and when talking to her father a few days later, he told me what a good person his daughter was, and that he knew where she was, and he knew the kind of person he had to be if he wanted to be with her for eternity.  We all knew the kind of person Autumn was, a true, humble, faithful servant.  In her, we have a perfect example to emulate, now we must put words into action.  As I wrote in her obituary, Autumn lived the virtues of the I'm Third life, which is God first, others second, and yourself third.  She did it effortlessly, because that was the kind of person she was.

Autumn helped plan her own funeral, one of the benefits of having time.  Neither of us like funeral homes so we knew we wanted to do both the visitation and funeral at our parish, St Michael the Archangel.  Plus, being a young mother with 4 kids, we knew the crowds for the visitation would be too large for the funeral home. Autumn's visitation was originally supposed to be on Monday April 15th, with a funeral the following day.  However, after spreading the word, we learned that the church was booked Monday evening for confirmation practice so we had to change plans.  Because of family travel schedules, we elected to do a later visitation after the 5:00 mass on Sunday the 14th, and the funeral Monday morning.  In he end, this change in plans worked out for the best, as the weather on Tuesday was severe thunderstorms, which would have been interesting. 

Autumn did not want an open casket, nobody wants people commenting on how they look when their dead she said.  We did a viewing for family and close friends at the funeral home that afternoon, that evening after the visitation, and the morning before the funeral.  At Autumn's request, the visitation began with a Rosary led by Fr. Brian.  After the Rosary, a line immediately formed and stretched out of the back of the church for the next couple hours.  Having a creative mom, mother-in-law, sister and 7 sister-in-laws, Autumn's services were above and beyond.  The last time she was at church was on easter Sunday and she loved the flowers, which are always beautiful at our church. They also looked very similar to the flowers from our wedding, so I just instructed Caroline to have her coffin flowers match the church flowers. They also made photo boards of Autumn growing up, our 28 year relationship, and 17 years of being a mom.  Lastly, Molly made a video tribute to Autumn and her amazing life, it still makes me tear up, but there is no arguing, she lived her beautiful life to the fullest.  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nLxEiu0GmI).  That night, instead of having to go back to the funeral home, Autumn was allowed to lie in rest in St. Michael's, St. Joseph's Chapel, as he is the protector. The small room is guarded by a locked gate and sits behind the alter.  It was just Autumn, St. Joseph and candle light, her dream!

Autumn's funeral was again a full house, it was not surprising the amount of lives this humble, selfless woman touched in her short life.  She had four songs she wanted, Sanctuary, Here I am Lord, Angels Wings, and Amazing Grace.  Father Brian gave a beautiful homily, ending it the way he had ended his Sunday Sermon the day before, talking about Autumn's faith.  He referenced one of her favorite quotes from St. Josephine Bakhita: "In God's Will, there is great peace."  This was something Autumn clung to during her battle, and it is something we can all cling to in her passing.  Nothing about the end to Autumn's time on earth is fair, right or just, but Autumn's passing is part of God's Will, and in the end, we will see the full picture and we will be together for eternity.  As my neighbor who lost his daughter said, why wouldn't God want her?  

The homily was followed up by a double eulogy given by my brother-in-law Andrew, that also included a letter written by Autumn's best friend Tabitha.  Together they perfectly encapsulated that amazing person Autumn was.  It's natural to put our loved ones on a pedestal after they pass, but with Autumn it did not feel that way, she really was as good as what you hear.  The world needs a lot more Autumn's.  As Tabitha said, the end of her life on earth is not Autumn's finish line, her finish line is in the arms of our Lord in Heaven, and she will be there waiting for us with open arms when we make it.  She has fought the fight, she has finished the race, she has kept the faith. On the way out of church, people were encouraged to make their own May Day basket in honor of Autumn.  My mom and her friends hand made over 200 May Day baskets, and bought flowers for people to make their own arrangements.  On each basket was a tag, with a picture of Autumn as a little girl with flowers, and a quote from another favorite saint, St.Therese of Lisieux, or The Little Flower.  Her Mother was St. Zelie who also died of breast cancer.  "The only way to prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and doing of the least actions for love."

Autumn was laid to rest at Queen of Holy Rosary Church Cemetery, where Autumn and I long ago decided we wanted to be buried.  It's quiet, peaceful, surrounded by open land, and next to the Queen of Holy Rosary Church and School, so you have the kids playing on the playground, which Autumn loved.  At the end of the grave side ceremony, Amity and Asa gave a sweet and sentimental champagne toast to their older sister.  If you thought that was enough, there was one more tribute to Autumn at the luncheon which was hosted by the Sisters at SMA.  Finley shares Autumn's love for dance, and in Autumn's last days, she made up a dance for her.  Autumn's quick decline prevented Finley from doing the dance before Autumn passed, so Finley decided to do it during the luncheon, where she was sure Autumn would see it.  She was fearless and she was beautiful, putting on a routine that I know had mom smiling ear to ear. 

We cannot thank the countless people that have helped us during the past year, this list is sooo long.  From meals, to taking kids to games, practices, school, play dates, sleepovers, parties...basically being second parents.  To all of those that have sent gifts and money, gift cards, cards of encouragement and support, to those that funded our just in time trip to Hawaii (Autumn was on hospice a week after we got back and passed 3 weeks after we got back), to our family and friends that were with us, comforting us, keeping our household going while I took care of Autumn, and then while we mourned, to those that mourned with us and still do.  You are amazing and we could not get through this without all of you.  God Bless. 

He Has Risen!

With Autumn unable to travel this Easter, our families brought Easter to us, complete with meals and Easter egg hunt.  Most of our family came into town on Friday and Saturday.  We did this six years ago when Autumn came into the Catholic Church and I remember Autumn saying she would not mind hosting Easter here every year.  Well she got her wish, but thankfully she did not have to host.  Caroline and Jarred, always the hostess with the mostess, hosted all the meals and Easter egg hunt and we cannot thank them enough.  We were lucky enough to have beautiful weather all weekend. 

The Brawner's hosted a cousin sleepover on Friday night, which was a perfect way to start the weekend.  The kids always cherish these sleepovers and we enjoy all the funny little stories that come out of them...and a night of quiet in our house!

We are in the thick of spring sports and Saturday was no exception.  Atticus' had a soccer game that morning and he was excited to score a goal in front of his Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.  Next Briley had her second track meet of the season, and arguably her largest cheering section ever, including Autumn, who was bound and determined to make it.  Briley ran a great race in the 800 and came in 6th out of over 40 runners; it was her first time running the 800 in some time as she has been more focused on the mile.  She was ranked 12th coming in, so she was semi-happy (never really happy) with the result at this point in the season.  She said she enjoys the 800 as its shorter and not as painful as the mile.  Next up was Baylor's soccer game with his uncles. It was a losing effort, but they played a tough game.  We love this boy's hustle and toughness on the field.  He is always one of the smallest on the field, but plays without fear or intimidation. 

In between games, Jared and Ryan helped me put in an adjustable bed frame, and when I say help, they did it, took it out because it was bent, drove 30 minutes to returned it, picked up a new one and then installed that one.  This has been a life safer for Autumn, so thanks guys!  That night Brawner's and my parents hosted dinner for our crew with some delicious lemon chicken.  The kids played the night away, and were bummed the pending arrival of the easter bunny at our house impeded on another sleepover.  

On Sunday our family was nice enough to get to church early to save seats for Autumn and I and fend off some angry chriseasters who were not too keen on saving seats.  Autumn, Mike and I were walking in with the priest but we made it and she was so happy to be able to attend Easter Mass.  After Mass the sister's came over to hug on Autumn and the family.  They are such sweet souls, and are a blessing to our parish.  On the way out, Fr. Bryan even gave Autumn a big hug as he was so happy to see she was able to make it. 

After mass we headed over to Brawner's for a delicious Easter brunch made by my parents.  Autumn was pretty worn out at this point so I took her home early while the kids stuck around for the big easter egg hunt.  Atticus wanted to make sure we had our easter egg hunt at home as well, because he knew his chances of finding the golden or silver egg (big money) was slim to none...and he was not wrong.  I think Lincoln found both the silver and golden egg...always those Farwell kids!

That evening we did our egg hunt with the kids and Atticus got his wish, he got the silver egg!  Briley of course got the golden egg.  Baylor got the mini golden egg and Finley just got a lot of eggs.  There are still $20 in eggs laying someplace in the yard that we have yet to find; I was too tired to remember where I hid all of them.

This past week we have continued to have family members in and out of town helping us out around the house with everything from laundry to furniture assemble, to meals, to cleaning. We have had neighbors bringing over meals, friends entertaining our kids, and friends and families taking our kids to practices and games.  This has all allowed me to put all my time and energy into caring for Autumn.  We are beyond blessed and could not be more thankful for everyone in our lives. 

Happy 14th Birthday Baylor Man!

Baylor celebrated his 14th Birthday on Sunday March 24th.  Its hard to believe that he is already 14 and can get his driving permit 😬.  As he is only in 7th grade, the permit will have to wait awhile.  Baylor woke up to a room filled with balloons, cinnamon rolls, chocolate milk and Palm Sunday Mass...just what every 14-year old wants to do on their Birthday.  He had a soccer game that afternoon and his friend Dillon guest played for them and joined us afterwards for dinner and some red velvet cake.  

Baylor had one request for his birthday, a good mountain bike, so that is what we got.  Baylor is notorious for destroying everything he touches, bikes included.  His last two bikes were torn up within months.  Given that he wants to start driving and will soon need a car, Autumn and I figured the mountain bike and mowing the yard will be good tests to see if he can actually maintain and take care of something.

Like every middle schooler, Baylor is growing quickly and is about to pass up his mom.  He loves everything running, mountain biking, the Lakers, Chiefs, some lite gaming, hanging out with friends and still makes time to play football and basketball with his little brother.  He grudgingly lets his little sister sleep in his bed at night, but still torments her for it.  Baylor makes us and his teachers laugh with his dry, well timed sense of humor and does what is asked of him without complain, both traits he has inherited from Autumn.

Baylor's  Favorites:

Color: Blue

Song: Blueberry Faygo

Food: Pasta

Movie: Space Jam

TV Show: Lakers Games

Sports Team: Lakers, Sporting KC and Chiefs

Sport to play: Basketball, Running and Football

Best Friend: Watson

What makes you happy: Sports

Place: Home

What do you want to be when you grow up: Sports Marketing 

Aloha Maui

First and foremost, thank you to all of our family, friends, friends of friends, co-workers and complete strangers who made this trip possible.  You have given our kids life long memories and for that Autumn and I will be forever grateful.

Ever since surprising the kids on Autumn's Birthday, the anticipation from the kids has been uncontainable.  Every minute of every day was spent talking about our trip to Maui.  Where are we staying, when are we flying out, what are we doing every day, when do we fly out again, I can't wait to surf, I can't wait to cliff jump, I cant wait to see whales, when do we leave again...Autumn and I did not even have to wake up the kids that morning, they were ready to go at 5AM.  

We got to the airport around 6 and the kids had sometime to go explore; it was Finley and Atticus' first time in the new airport, so they wanted to go look around.  I had a little surprise for the kids on our first flight to Dallas as I was able to cheaply upgrade us all to first class so we could fly with Autumn. We then surprised them again on our 8 hour flight from Dallas to Maui with yet another upgrade to Premium Economy (like normal first class) courtesy of the KHS Class of 2000.  The backstory is that on this flight, Autumn was booked in first class, but the kids and I were scattered throughout coach because we booked so late.  One of the girls in Autumn and I's high school class heard about it, could not stand the thought of the kids sitting with strangers for 8 hours, reached out to the class to raise the money, and then upgraded us to the fancy seats.  We did not tell the kids until we got on the plane and they were very surprised...and relieved to not be siting by strangers for 8 hours.  They were pretty impressed by our seats and were left wondering why dad always makes them fly Southwest. 

After a long flight, we landed in Maui and headed to get our luggage.  On our way we were surprised with a sign with our name on it.  They gave us all beautiful leis and took our picture.  This was also courtesy of a high school friend.   We then hopped into the car and  headed to get some lunch at a place called Leoda's.  I think everyone agreed that this was our favorite restaurant of the trip, so much that I went back and got it to go for lunch on our last day.  After lunch it was off to our condo in Kaanapali, Kaanapali Alii.  We could not have been more impressed with this property, our condo, the property, the staff, the landscaping, the cleanliness and the views...oh the views.  They were amazing.  We all went immediately to the patio and took in the panoramic ocean views, with front row seats for the humpback whales who migrate to this area for the winter mating season.  It was so cool to see them jump out of the water.  Our condo was right next door to the Westin, which is where Autumn and I stayed for our honeymoon way back in 2005.  They had a nightly Luau that we were able to watch from our balcony.  The kids immediately changed into their swim suites and headed down to the beach.  Autumn and I laid on the porch and watched them play on the beach, it was such a peaceful evening.  Later that evening, while Autumn rested, I took the kids to explore the area, including the flamingos at the Westin.

We were all exhausted after the early morning and long day traveling, so everyone was out by 9.  The next morning Briley and I went for a run while the others got ready for the day.  We decided to take it easy our first day as to let Autumn and the kids recover from the busy travel day.  We got some beach chairs and then we went down to Black Rock to do some cliff jumping and snorkeling.  There were some nervous kiddos, so on our first try we did the shorter of the two cliff jump spots.  After seeing how much fun it was, we went back and did the high jump, or at least some of us did...I won't name names 😜.

That evening we had the honor of going to the Old Lahaina Luau.  The Lahaina community was devastated by fire back in August, and is still very much in the early stages of cleanup, with a rebuild still years out.  Old Lahaina Luau opened for the fist time since the fires the night before.  It was neat to see the excitement from the staff to be back, and the way in which they honored those taken by the fire.  It was a neat night, but by the time it ended at 8:45 (1:45am KC time) the kids were barely holding on.  They got to sample some Hawaiian dishes but their favorite part was the drinks.  They worked their way through the mocktail menu, and all had their favorites.  

The next day we decided to head up north towards Kapalua and check out some cool beaches and rock outcrops.  They had a good boogie board beach and we were also able to see our first turtle resting on the beach.  The rain started to move in so we decided to pack up, head back to our condo and get some lunch.  As soon as we got over the bluff, on our way back to the hotel, we left he clouds behind and the sun was shining...the kids wanted to know why we ever left the sunshine in the first place.  After lunch we decided to go to the pool as the winds had picked up and we were getting sandblasted on the beach.  I think all of us fell asleep at some point, so it was a nice relaxing evening.  That night we went to Merriman's for dinner.  They have a beautiful sunset view but unfortunately it was raining and we did not get to see the sunset.  However, the view was still amazing, as was the food and service.  Our server was so nice, and was great with the kids. 

Friday was a big day, surfing lessons!  The kids were nervous but the instructors immediately put them at ease.  Baylor was sick, so that was a bummer, but he got his surf lessons our last day.  Atticus, with his low center of gravity, was a natural and was up on the first wave.  Finley, Briley and I took a few more attempts to get up, but I am proud to say, we were all catching our own waves by the end of the lessons.  Finley and Atticus were not so keen on paddling back out, they just like the surfing in.   After surfing lessons, we went and got some lunch at a really good roadside pizza place, and then headed south to explore Makena Beach and Makena Cove, a really cool hidden beach with the softest sand I have ever felt.  We also saw a few more turtles sleeping on the beach.  The kids had fun playing in the waves and watching the whales.  On our way back to our condo, we stopped for some famous Ululani's shaved ice and we are so glad we did.  It was so good that Autumn has been craving pina colada since we got back, so much so that I had to hunt down pina colada popsicles and make trips to Tads shaved ice to quench her cravings.  We were also able to beat closing time and pick up some delicious cinnamon rolls from the Cinnamon Roll Place for breakfast the next morning.  That night we grilled some steaks and had a quiet evening at the condo watching the neighboring luau.  It's so funny because the kids pretty much had it memorized, so if we were walking up to the condo, they would hear what music was playing and they would no that they needed to rush up because their favorite part, the fire dancing, was about to start.

On Saturday we had planned to do the road to Hana, but Autumn was tired, Baylor was still sick, and I was coming down with a bug.  We spent the day on the beach, I spent the evening sick in bed, and Autumn and the kids had leftovers.  Thankfully, by the next morning I was feeling fine, Autumn was feeling much more rested, and Baylor was good to go, so we headed off on the road to Hana.

There were so many cools sites along the road, and we downloaded an app that guided us along the way.  It had some corny humor for the kids, and told interesting tidbits about the history of the island and Hawaii along the way.  Being Sunday, a lot of the road side stands we wanted to try were closed, but we still got some great food, especially Huli Huli chicken, which Baylor said was the best chicken he has ever had.  There were so many cool water falls and beaches, but I think the black sand beach and hikes in that area were one of the highlights of the trip for the kids.  It was just so beautiful, with the deep blue water, black sand, black rocks, arches, lava tubes...just so much to explore, and explore we did.  We had dinner plans on that side of the island that night, so after we finished the road to Hana, we went to Baldwin Beach, and then to Holy Rosary Catholic Church to see the shrine to St. Father Damian.  Father Damian was a priest who went to the leper colony on the island of Moloka'i to help the leper's that had been banished there.  He ended up contracting leprosy and dying, but not before he was able to help countless people that had contracted the deadly disease.  That night we went and had dinner at the Haliimaile General Store, a restaurant Autumn and I missed on our honeymoon, but had wanted to eat at.  It was really good, and after a long day of exploring, everyone scarfed down their food. 

On Monday I had plans to explore some other areas of the island, but the road to Hana wiped Autumn and the kids out, so we decided to take it easy.  The kids had a blast playing at the beach, swimming at the pool, grabbing Starbucks, and walking to Whalers Village to do some shopping...big kid stuff.  That night we had dinner in Whalers Village, did so souvenir shopping, and got some gorgeous sunset pictures. 

Tuesday was our last day, but luckily we did not fly out until 9:15 at night and I was able to get a 6pm check out at our condo as they knew Autumn's condition and nobody was checking in for a few days.  It was like we had an extra day of vacation.  Baylor started off the day with surf lessons, and like the other kids, he was a natural.  We spent the rest of the day lounging on the beach, walked back to Black Rock for some more cliff jumping, and this time everyone but Atticus did the tall jump.  We then spent some time at the pool, got cleaned up, packed up the car, and drove down the street to have dinner on the beach at Maui Brewing Company as the sun was setting.  It was a perfect ending to the perfect trip.  Our flights back were seamless, and we hit the ground running with practices when we got back to KC on Wednesday afternoon.

So many memories were made on this trip, memories that would not have been possible if not for the generosity of others.  Autumn and I feel blessed beyond measure. 

For some reason, Blogger keeps posting the photos in reverse order, not sure why.  I am rusty at this.