How do you say goodbye to your sole mate, the worlds best mom, daughter, sister, and friend? That is the question we were all forced to answer after Autumn was welcomed into the arms of our Lord on the morning of April 9th, 2024. I laid in silence, holding her hand for a couple hours that morning, trying to warm them up as her circulation was poor. I eventually got up and showered then got the kids up and going. I checked on her a bit later, gave her a kiss, hug and told her I loved her. I left the room for all of a minute, when I returned she was no longer breathing, she was gone. Her body finally relaxed and at peace after over a year of fighting. She had told a friend of ours a few weeks prior that she did not want to pass with a room full of people, just her and God; she got her wish. It was not until a bit later that I saw Autumn was clutching her Miraculous Medal at the time of her death. This medal was given to her by Mother Adela with the Servants of the Pierced Heart of Jesus and Mary on Ash Wednesday 2023, shortly after Autumn was diagnosed and she wore it throughout her battle. I have to believe she was clutching it when she saw the welcoming face of God for the first time. While Autumn's death leaves a large hole in our hearts and home, I am overjoyed at the thought of her dancing in Heaven, free of pain and worry, and in the presence of our Lord. Her last meal was Holy Communion on Feist of Divine Mercy Sunday, her last words were, "love you to" but only after jokingly (I hope) telling me she didn't like me very much for making her drink some more juice. Our last interaction was the evening before she passed and it is one I will never forget. I was trying to flush her nephrostomy tubes and when I bent down, a little toot slipped out of me...Autumn opened her eyes wide, gave me a big smile, a little chuckle and then back to sleep she went...I had been caught. We had not interacted in over 24 hours and I was sure we never would again, so you can imagine my joy and elation; I gave her a big kiss. For a marriage that counted humor as one of its pillars, it was a fitting end.
We have a neighbor who lost their 25-year old daughter to cancer shortly after we moved in, and when talking to her father a few days later, he told me what a good person his daughter was, and that he knew where she was, and he knew the kind of person he had to be if he wanted to be with her for eternity. We all knew the kind of person Autumn was, a true, humble, faithful servant. In her, we have a perfect example to emulate, now we must put words into action. As I wrote in her obituary, Autumn lived the virtues of the I'm Third life, which is God first, others second, and yourself third. She did it effortlessly, because that was the kind of person she was.
Autumn helped plan her own funeral, one of the benefits of having time. Neither of us like funeral homes so we knew we wanted to do both the visitation and funeral at our parish, St Michael the Archangel. Plus, being a young mother with 4 kids, we knew the crowds for the visitation would be too large for the funeral home. Autumn's visitation was originally supposed to be on Monday April 15th, with a funeral the following day. However, after spreading the word, we learned that the church was booked Monday evening for confirmation practice so we had to change plans. Because of family travel schedules, we elected to do a later visitation after the 5:00 mass on Sunday the 14th, and the funeral Monday morning. In he end, this change in plans worked out for the best, as the weather on Tuesday was severe thunderstorms, which would have been interesting.
Autumn did not want an open casket, nobody wants people commenting on how they look when their dead she said. We did a viewing for family and close friends at the funeral home that afternoon, that evening after the visitation, and the morning before the funeral. At Autumn's request, the visitation began with a Rosary led by Fr. Brian. After the Rosary, a line immediately formed and stretched out of the back of the church for the next couple hours. Having a creative mom, mother-in-law, sister and 7 sister-in-laws, Autumn's services were above and beyond. The last time she was at church was on easter Sunday and she loved the flowers, which are always beautiful at our church. They also looked very similar to the flowers from our wedding, so I just instructed Caroline to have her coffin flowers match the church flowers. They also made photo boards of Autumn growing up, our 28 year relationship, and 17 years of being a mom. Lastly, Molly made a video tribute to Autumn and her amazing life, it still makes me tear up, but there is no arguing, she lived her beautiful life to the fullest. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nLxEiu0GmI). That night, instead of having to go back to the funeral home, Autumn was allowed to lie in rest in St. Michael's, St. Joseph's Chapel, as he is the protector. The small room is guarded by a locked gate and sits behind the alter. It was just Autumn, St. Joseph and candle light, her dream!
Autumn's funeral was again a full house, it was not surprising the amount of lives this humble, selfless woman touched in her short life. She had four songs she wanted, Sanctuary, Here I am Lord, Angels Wings, and Amazing Grace. Father Brian gave a beautiful homily, ending it the way he had ended his Sunday Sermon the day before, talking about Autumn's faith. He referenced one of her favorite quotes from St. Josephine Bakhita: "In God's Will, there is great peace." This was something Autumn clung to during her battle, and it is something we can all cling to in her passing. Nothing about the end to Autumn's time on earth is fair, right or just, but Autumn's passing is part of God's Will, and in the end, we will see the full picture and we will be together for eternity. As my neighbor who lost his daughter said, why wouldn't God want her?
The homily was followed up by a double eulogy given by my brother-in-law Andrew, that also included a letter written by Autumn's best friend Tabitha. Together they perfectly encapsulated that amazing person Autumn was. It's natural to put our loved ones on a pedestal after they pass, but with Autumn it did not feel that way, she really was as good as what you hear. The world needs a lot more Autumn's. As Tabitha said, the end of her life on earth is not Autumn's finish line, her finish line is in the arms of our Lord in Heaven, and she will be there waiting for us with open arms when we make it. She has fought the fight, she has finished the race, she has kept the faith. On the way out of church, people were encouraged to make their own May Day basket in honor of Autumn. My mom and her friends hand made over 200 May Day baskets, and bought flowers for people to make their own arrangements. On each basket was a tag, with a picture of Autumn as a little girl with flowers, and a quote from another favorite saint, St.Therese of Lisieux, or The Little Flower. Her Mother was St. Zelie who also died of breast cancer. "The only way to prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and doing of the least actions for love."
Autumn was laid to rest at Queen of Holy Rosary Church Cemetery, where Autumn and I long ago decided we wanted to be buried. It's quiet, peaceful, surrounded by open land, and next to the Queen of Holy Rosary Church and School, so you have the kids playing on the playground, which Autumn loved. At the end of the grave side ceremony, Amity and Asa gave a sweet and sentimental champagne toast to their older sister. If you thought that was enough, there was one more tribute to Autumn at the luncheon which was hosted by the Sisters at SMA. Finley shares Autumn's love for dance, and in Autumn's last days, she made up a dance for her. Autumn's quick decline prevented Finley from doing the dance before Autumn passed, so Finley decided to do it during the luncheon, where she was sure Autumn would see it. She was fearless and she was beautiful, putting on a routine that I know had mom smiling ear to ear.
We cannot thank the countless people that have helped us during the past year, this list is sooo long. From meals, to taking kids to games, practices, school, play dates, sleepovers, parties...basically being second parents. To all of those that have sent gifts and money, gift cards, cards of encouragement and support, to those that funded our just in time trip to Hawaii (Autumn was on hospice a week after we got back and passed 3 weeks after we got back), to our family and friends that were with us, comforting us, keeping our household going while I took care of Autumn, and then while we mourned, to those that mourned with us and still do. You are amazing and we could not get through this without all of you. God Bless.
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