Briley has had track meets weekly this month, starting with North Relays the first Friday in May, a home meet the next weekend, EKL’s the following weekend and Regionals this past weekend. She has been a little frustrated this year as her coaches have been making her run the 4x800 relay every meet, which means she cannot put the focus into her individual events, the 800 and the mile. I think she only got to run the mile once this year. But like everything she does, she sucks it up, and gives it her all. Despite shaving six seconds off their PR time from the state meet last year, they came up just short of qualifying for state this year. I call it a win/win because she gets a new PR, and we don’t have to spend Memorial Day in Wichita like we did last year. Seriously, I could not be prouder of this girl’s effort and determination. I love watching her chase down girls on the final lap, she is so focused. She was obviously very disappointed but that reflects the work she put in and how bad she wanted it. I have no doubt she will keep pushing and will use that attitude to do amazing things in this life. She is over it now and is ready to spend Memorial Day at her grandparents.
The first weekend in May we decided to get out of town and head to Pella to see the Taylor’s and Lissy and go to Tulip Time. We went up for Tulip time in 2018 and I remembered Autumn saying, while it was neat, she would rather visit a week or two prior, when you did not have the enormous crowds but still have the beautiful tulips. Regardless, we had a great time, great food, and the kids enjoyed the independence of roaming the town with their cousins and getting endless snacks, while I enjoyed having adult conversations, something I don’t get a lot of right now 😉. We went to church that Sunday for the May Crowning, which I always enjoy. Their church has all these windows that look out into the woods, and it was so peaceful. I even ordered a crown for Autumn’s Mary statute that I got for her last year for Mother’s Day…she would be so proud of me 😊.
Baylor’s track season wrapped up the next weekend. This kid has had an amazing start to his track career and ended it with a new PR in the mile, 5:39 (I believe) in his last race. He set his PR in his first track meet, the day Autumn passed, and I joked with him all year that he was not going to beat it, because mom was pushing him that day. I guess she gave him a little tailwind in his last race; she knew how bad he wanted it. It’s safe to say, this kid has found his passion, and like Briley is very competitive, especially with eachother. Autumn always told them, and I will continue to tell them, support each other and be each other’s cheerleaders, because that is what family does. He has also been playing flag football this spring. The coach decided to do an informal season, with no practices, and an emphasis on fun…the boys loved it so much, they are all doing it again next Spring. I was talking to his coach after the last game and he asked me if I knew this was Autumn’s idea? I had no idea, he said she reached out to him a few months ago and asked if he would consider doing it, so he sent out an email, and the boys overwhelmingly said yes. Autumn knew Baylor would need this amazing group of boys this spring…she was always thinking ahead.
Finley had her big dance recital last weekend so my parents, Autumn’s parents, Autumn’s siblings and Lissy all came into town. Finley rocked it. It is so much fun to watch this girl dance as she puts her whole heart and soul into it. She shares her mothers passion for dance, and I love it. Again, it was bittersweet not having Autumn physically there with us, but I know she was there, beaming ear to ear. The day prior, Amity, Asa, Billy, Finley, Baylor and myself did the Running with the Cows 5K out at Queen of Holy Rosary School, were Autumn is buried. It was Mothers Day weekend, so we thought, why not pay Autumn a visit and honor her by doing the race. Baylor crushed it, running 21:37, getting 9th place out of 750 people and first in his age group. It was funny seeing a 14-year old up there with all the guys in their 20's. I ran with Finley and this little girl did not stop, I probably started her out too slow. She finished in 29 minutes which would have put her in 4th had she been old enough to be in the 14 and under age-group. Briley cannot run in season and Atticus spent the night at a friend’s but was sad he missed out.
The next morning, we went to church and celebrated Mother’s Day. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but we made it through. We celebrated the mothers that were with us, and the mothers that were watching over us. Soon after Autumn passed, when I was meeting with Fr. Brian, he told me something a partitioner once told him. When we take Holy Communion, we are sharing a meal with Jesus, as he is present in the Eucharist. Jesus says, "I am Resurrection and the Life, whoever believes in me will live even in death." Autumn's soul is immortal as she lives in Jesus, therefore, if we are eating a meal with Jesus, we are eating a meal with Autumn and all those who passed before us. Fr. Brian reminded me as we were leaving church on Mothers Day Sunday, remember, Autumn is with you. I think about that every time I go up for communion now. That evening, after everyone left town, the kids and I took some flowers out to Autumn’s grave before Baylor’s flag football game. The kids and I both found it super peaceful and comforting to be out there. It was a beautiful night, there were other families out there, and the kids enjoyed being there. It just gave us all a comfort that I cannot explain. My heart, which had been aching all weekend, was at peace. It’s not hard to believe in God in moments like that.
Atticus’ has been going full force in soccer and baseball. He had his last soccer game with his team, The Thunder, this weekend. While I am sad to see this team breaking up, as he loves playing with all of his friends, I am excited for what lies ahead. He got a goal and an assist in his last game, and informed me after, that he only had one game this year where he did not get a goal. He has really been enjoying baseball this year, especially when he gets to pitch. It’s hit or miss on the pitching, but he loves it. This past weekend, his friend from Church hit him with a pitch, so when Atticus was pitching the next inning and he came up to bat, Atticus hit him. I told him he should probably refrain from doing that in the future!
It's hard to believe the school year is coming to an end this week. It has been the most challenging school year for our family, but I could not be prouder of how our kids have handled a level of adversity that no kid should ever have to handle. They are like their mom, they just keep moving forward and living life, just like she wants them to do. I also cannot say thank you enough to the family, friends, teachers, community members that have rallied around our kids to get them through this first month without Autumn. It’s been hard, but it would be a lot harder without all the support.
This summer will be different than before, I will be working from home all summer, fulfilling a promise I made to Autumn that if the kids were home, I would be home. I won’t be able to take them on all of their adventures like mom, but I will squeeze some in when I can, and we have some friends that are stepping up to help as well. It will never be the same, but that does not mean it can’t be good!
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